Thursday, 5 July 2012
Before I started my own business I imagined that it would be really idyllic, that I would have coffees in cafés every day, that I would read a lot, be and feel inspired constantly and basically have all the time in the world to go on impulsive holidays.
Although there is no one stopping me from taking a break and treating myself to a coffee, I rarely allow myself to do it, I'm always quite strict with myself and will feel guilty if I'm not working and producing. I worry that if I stop for one minute, let alone a week, then I'll lose out and everything I've built up will crumple around me.
Because my income is at times sporadic and I never feel certain that I'll have one next month, I'm always very careful with my money and will feel guilty spending it on something "unnecessary" like a coffee or a magazine. Even though the last three months have been good and I've been able to "pay" myself a decent amount, I'll still assume that next month will be much worse.
Although I love my work and don't feel like it's a chore at all, I do love taking a break, reading a magazine, people watching or just being on my own. So yesterday I did. I bought an expensive magazine and an expensive coffee and I sat by myself for half an hour not working and not thinking about work. Instead I thought about how lucky I am, how I love the way my life is and that it is pointless worrying as things have a way of just working out the way they were meant to.
I know I wont ever stop worrying though, it's in my genes.